


The Valley of Death

by whoms_account_be_this



Category: Degrassi
Genre: gay male author
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 03:30:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9302294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoms_account_be_this/pseuds/whoms_account_be_this
Summary: Collection of one-shots dealing with the events of 3x10.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is DARK. Probably the darkest thing I have written. If you can't handle thoughts of death, turn around. This isn't meant to be pretty or hopeful, but a look into Maya's mind.

**Ticket to Freedom**

Gotta pack my bags

Leave my world behind

Take a different road

I know it's my time

To open up my heart for another crowd

Play it strong and sing it loud

Maya's heart beat softly in her chest as she finished her song, an all nighter's work condensed into two minutes. Normally, she would pitch it to all of her friends and want to fix every last details, and truly, she never felt fully satisfied until she had an audience cheering for her. But this song was different. This song helped her understand the question that has long since plagued her.

With more energy than she had been able to muster for months, she pushed herself to her feet and grabbed a shirt. The sunlight passed through the pink fabric and warmed her in a way that it hadn't for as long as she could remember. Lately, the light pained her and reminded her of everything she had to face. But now, the warmth was that of freedom.

There's empty places in my life

And I need to breathe

There's empty spaces on the map

Waiting there for me

She looked at herself in the mirror and smiled. Her lips curved up almost painfully, but it felt natural. Her heart beat warm with hope for the first time in a long time.

I'll take the last exit to freedom

She fingered her favorite ring, a gift from her eleventh birthday. It meant the world for her, something she had worn at every performance. A good luck charm that she wanted to pass on. It wasn't what she had originally wanted to give to Grace, but it would have to do. Hopefully Grace could forgive her.

The last chance to be free

Her eyes crossed over the pictures on her dresses - physical proof that she had had a life that meant something. It made her feel nothing, and she tried, but they were just colors and memories. Like a dull grey throb, all she could do was wonder what it would be like to lose another.

And the first sign of tomorrow

Her music career, gone, frozen in time, never to recover. Like Tristan. The picture of them at one of Miles' pool parties crumbled in her hand.

Feels like freedom to me

Zig, those lips that used to whisper sweet nothings and those muscles that used to help her fight back the dark. Gone. Moved on. She wasn't needed anymore. Zig was happier without her anyway.

Oh, there's hope out on the horizon

And a light only I can see

Not even her family could bring her joy, but she knew that it should. She wanted to melt into their hugs, but their arms were cold. They loved her, she knew, but she just couldn't make herself feel anything.

Oh, there's hope out on the horizon

And a light only I can see

It's the last exit to freedom

The last chance to be... free.

And as she grabbed the container of pills, her ticket to freedom, she smiled.

She had one last thing to do.

* * *

_I need to find Grace_ , Maya thought. Grace was the only thought on her mind throughout the day, but she was nowhere to be found. Grace her friend. The one who was there for her throughout her struggles with Zig. The one who wasn't perfect yet meant the world to her. The one who cared about her enough to set her straight.

The first one she couldn't save, no matter how hard she could try. _No, not the first..._ Maya wiped that thought from her mind. She had to find Grace. It wasn't like Grace to skip class, but her play was tonight. The thought gave Maya a bit of hope, hope enough to stand up and go looking for her as she set off for the gym.

Maya knew her movement was slow and lazy, but it didn't matter. She had her ticket to freedom. Time was of no concern.

Her heart leapt as she saw Zig, and she felt something within that she didn't want to feel. She didn't want to feel anything at all, but she couldn't keep the smile off her face as she spoke to him though.

"Hey, have you seen Grace?"

"Uh, no, not... not today," Zig said. He was worried about something, and Maya wanted to take a moment to notice the cute half-smile on his lips. Instead, she could only feel his annoyance. "Look, Esme's going to be here any second, and I can't be caught talking to you. Not after last time."

Maya nodded, accepting the fact and muttering something she was supposed to that didn't really register. Esme had long since replaced her in Zig's life, but perhaps that was a good thing. Zig was better off without her. He would only get hurt if he remained in her life - everyone left her after all. She chuckled and nodded as Zig shooed her away as Esme walked up the steps to the school. Maya couldn't make herself be upset as she watched from around the corner, though she hated Esme with a passion that she only realized through logic. Instead, she was grateful. Zig would have someone to take care of him.

It didn't matter. She had to find Grace. It was all she could think about as she fingered the box covered in too-gold wrapping paper. Fortune was smiling on her for once as she saw Jonah. A part of her was happy, he had always been kind with her. Another part felt nothing at all. He was a means to an end.

She plastered on a smile as she approached him.

"Aw, you shouldn't have," he said.

Her mind drew a blank. What was he going on about? He thought the gift was for him. Hardly. His gift was living. He hadn't caught her curse yet. That thought was too dark, and one she couldn't tell him. He may be the type to like dark music, but this would send him running to the hills.

Instead, she chuckled with real amusement. He would just misunderstand the joke. "I didn't. It's for Grace. Can you give it to her?"

"Uh, no. You can give it to her yourself at the play tonight."

Sweet of him wanting to renew their friendship and patch things up with Grace. A part of her wished they had time to get closer, but it was best that she not take another person down with her.

"She doesn't want me there," Maya said. The truth hurt but Maya knew she deserved it.

"Mmm, well, yeah. I mean, she might seem a little mad right now, but, deep down, I know she loves you."

"What are you? The Grace whisperer?" For a moment, her heart fluttered at the thought that maybe Grace would forgive her. Maybe she should make sure to give the ring to Grace herself. For old times sake. To say goodbye.

"Ah, hardly, but here. It's one of my comp tickets."

Maya's stomach twisted at the offer. So nice of him, but she didn't want to see the play that was a dramatization of how Tristan was hurt because of her. She didn't need to the world to see the pain she caused.

"You can't turn down a free ticket, can you?" Jonah continued.

She accepted it with a smile. She couldn't turn it down without being suspicious at this point. The world felt like there were a thousand eyes on her, watching and waiting for her to mess up so that they could call her crazy, but she couldn't not go to the play now.

Maya let her smile settle into something real. A good excuse to stick around a little longer to see Grace.

* * *

The hospital bed was a nice touch, Maya had to admit. Dark. Maybe she and Miles would get along better now. Probably not. He was happy now. Happy and in love. _Good for him_. Miles in some odd way was one of her success stories. She wanted to do everything and anything to make sure he didn't turn out like Cam. She closed her eyes and thought back to the warm fire - a thrill passed through her as she wondered what it felt like, but she pushed that aside. She had helped Miles before he had gone off the deep end, and then she pushed him away. Past her knew without knowing that those around her suffered. She saved him in more ways than one.

Zig was happier now without her, and Miles found a world in which he could be himself. Two potential Cams saved. No need to say goodbye.

Her moment of joy was squashed as she saw Tristan being wheeled into the room. Why him and not her? Why did she always get to keep on living while those around her got hurt and died. Why couldn't she be the one to suffer for once? She wanted to reach out and hug him and apologize for letting their friendship fade, but she was afraid he would wither away and die in her arms. Their broken bond may have been the thing that tethered him to life in this fucking world that sought to leave her alone.

The world really would be better without her.

She nodded mutely as that weird girl took the ticket Jonah had given her - it was a sign, really, as she saw Esme in her seat. A sign that her life wasn't needed. Maya shook her head with a sardonic chuckle. She really had been replaced.

Good.

"Uh, I... I can tell them to move," the girl stated nervously.

Poor thing.

"No. No. I don't want to be a bother," Maya consoled. "Um, I actually have a thing, anyways." She recognized the girl now, one of those that threatened her online. A reaper of death that once frightened her here to liberate her. The girl stood there nervously, just waiting for Maya's next words.

_Death is afraid of her own victim_. Maya found it amusing. She couldn't force herself to be mad, though she would put her reaper to use.

"Could you give this to Grace for me?" Maya asked, brandishing the gift for Grace. Maybe she wouldn't be able to give it to Grace after all. Oh well.

Yael nodded nervously as she took the box.

"Thank you," Maya said, and turned away, leaving her ticket behind as payment. Her time had come.

Maya almost had a skip in her step as she headed outside to find the bus where it was always parked. It wasn't the vessel that left her on death's shore but refused to take her, but a new one that she didn't intend to let fail.

The world slowed around her as she ascended the steps, oblivious to the waning crowds as they gathered for a play she would never see. It was like sloshing through water as she walked through the bus, a thousand sounds and scents hitting her as she remembered every moment of that day. The cheers and cries of her friends, the smell of excited sweat and blood.

She found the seat she was in that day and lowered herself into it. It felt like she had never left.

The bedazzled container was in her hand before she knew it, and she opened it without a second thought. She picked up a white capsule, not entirely sure what it would do alone let alone with others, and put it in her mouth and downed it with water. She knew that the first would be the hardest, and that hadn't been difficult at all.

A handful next, and down with water. Then another and another.

She looked down into the empty container, another ticket spent, and smiled. She could still hear the sounds of life outside - the random chatter of life from inside Degrassi, the sound of cars a few blocks over, and the first traces of the bugs that came out in the early hours of the night. Life. Living breathing life that she wasn't a part of anymore.

She put her headphones on to drown out the noise, only to hear the dull, warm beat of her pulse, and then not even that.

* * *

Her eyes opened. The world was a haze around her like she was tired. No, she was tired. She told her hand to move and it was like it wasn't even attached to her body.

But she was alive.

"Can't do anything right."

Nothing had gone to plan. She was on her feet and moving through the fog without thinking about it. She didn't know where she was going or why, but she knew she had to make one thing right. She couldn't save her friends, they just got hurt for existing in her world. The one thing she wanted to do for Grace was impossible by her birth. All that time researching lung transplants only to find out their blood didn't match.

She stumbled across the parking lot, Degrassi both moments and miles away. She didn't know what she wanted anymore, but she just wanted to touch the sky. The thought didn't make sense to her, but her dream was crushed anyway as she met a locked door.

She growled as she shook the metal lock. She had already paid her ticket. Why couldn't she just die?

A voice behind her grabbed her attention.

"Maya?"

It felt like an eternity before she realized who it was, but when she did, her heart leapt.

Saad, the boy who had been helping her die all along. He was a gift.

"Saad, hey." Her voice was a slur as she spoke. "Can you help me?"

He approached her cautiously and opened the door, and she pulled him into a hug.

"Oh, you're the best. Thank you for being my friend."

"I... uh... You said we weren't friends anymore?" Saad questioned.

"No, forget about that. It wasn't me talking. I always liked you." Saad's eyes were wide and horrified, and Maya couldn't help but wonder why death was so afraid of her; it was willing to take everyone from her after all. She turned away and walked into the building before death could deny her once more.

The stairs were long and arduous, but she was so close. It was worth it to touch the sky. The cold air of the roof enveloped her like the pleasant grip of a mother. Death had finally embraced her and she it.

Her heart soared with the wings of freedom as she looked out over the world. Even in the dark of night, the area around Degrassi was beautiful. She walked to the edge and thought of jumping, wondering if her wings would let her take flight to finally reach the sky.

A beautiful thought. Someone should write a song about it. _One last gift_ , she thought as she took a picture. _Free as a bird._

She let her phone drop, and it met the gravel on the roof with a crunch. She wouldn't be needing it anymore. She was free! She laughed with joy, finally something to be happy about.

And then she was on the ground, warm acid on her face and in her throat, though she kept on laughing. She was free.

Death had accepted her ticket, death had set her free.

She ignored the pain of the vomit and bile. The only pain she had was on the inside. Her friends would miss her, but at least they would live without her curse. She knew she wasn't beautiful right now. She never fooled herself in the slightest. Death wasn't beautiful. It was final.

Her last thought was of those to whom she had been too afraid to say goodbye.

Oh well.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Remember how what hurt Maya most was that Cam never said goodbye? Because now you do.
> 
> This story was dark and was intended to be. I wanted Maya to feel at her worst, her creative outlet turned to death. That is why she started seeing things as symbolic, to supply meaning to her life but also has shifts into complete emotional shut down. Maya feels as though everyone around her will die and leave her, that she is cursed and passes that curse on to others. She doesn't want to live and feel the pain anymore, and in some way feels that with her gone her friends will be happier. We can see her acknowledging this in 3x04 when she talks about Tristan. "He was there [on the bus] because I exist."
> 
> This story will be a collection of shorter one-shots following these events, including the following:
> 
> Saad scene from his pov. About how he is confused and scared, but doesn't know what to do that now that the one friend he has in this country is being weird.
> 
> Zig scene from his pov. If You Could Save a Life, where Zig realises that Maya kept trying to save lives until she couldn't anymore. Zig has a flash back to their first encounter. "If you could save a life, would you?" The question never left her.
> 
> Esme - Esme reliving her feeling for her mom via Maya.
> 
> Grace
> 
> Yael
> 
> Miles
> 
> Zoe
> 
> I'm iffy on if I can create anything for Jonah/Tristan.


End file.
